“Even after all this time

The sun never says to the earth,

‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with

A love like that,

It lights up the whole sky.” –Hafez

This simple metaphor captures a complex concept. In a handful of words, Hafez illustrates a helpful psychological principle that also comprises the theological core of the world’s largest religion – that of relationship based on mutual delight, adoration and love.

Where long-winded explanations fall short, poetry prevails.

For most of us (certainly myself), we succumb to the messaging of modern society that a relationship is entered into when there is something to be gained. What can this person do for me? Can they help me get a job or favorable outcome, now or in the future?

We analyze intimate relationships with a more masked, but equally selfish way. Is this person talented, rich or attractive enough to enforce my sense of self-worth through association? From a traditional lens, can they help me accomplish my goal of buying a house, raising a family or securing a comfortable lifestyle?

We live in a self-centered world. As Martin Luther put it in his lectures on the Romans, the human heart is incurvatus in se, curved in on itself. We are wired to put our own interests above others. Those who don’t, don’t often end up on top.

But there is a teaching that inverts the system, an act that turned it upside-down. Instead of the rich, attractive and tenacious coming out on top, it is the poor, meek and humble – those who mourn, those who show mercy, those who are persecuted. Those who forgive everyone, especially anyone who has done harm to them or their loved ones.

How can this be? In order for someone to have a pool of peace, patience and forgiveness this big, there must be an even bigger pool they are drawing from.

We are free to love when we understand that we have been loved. Once it hits me that someone put my needs, my desires and my interests above their own, I am changed.

To demonstrate this covenant on earth, we have the microcosm of marriage. Each time my husband sacrifices his desires for mine, I am so confused and humbled that my mind switches from self-minded plotting (as always, I am the worst offender I know) to gratitude and joy. Whatever I was desiring becomes trivial. My heart shifts from one of selfish obsession to one of delighting in him and serving him back.

It’s a counterintuitive principle. He honors me above himself at the time when I least deserve it, thereby creating a new cycle of selflessness.

How does this apply to naturopathic medicine? Our careers will quickly become tiresome if we are constantly approaching our business and patients in terms of how we can benefit.

I do it every day. I need to perform 10 more blood draws in clinic to meet the requirements for graduation. You bet I am regularly encouraging blood draws to my patients when I otherwise wouldn’t in the absence of the requirement.

To focus on healing others in a way that is detached from self-interest, we must be free to put the needs of others above our own. Doing this requires assurance of an infinite, perfect love. Unfortunately, all worldly love is imperfect. It seeks to self-gratify. It keeps score. When relationships no longer serve us, we leave.

But perfect, infinite love – the kind that the sun has for the earth in Hafez’s poem, and the kind that has already been given to us – is selfless. It obliterates the score entirely.

It seeks to serve the other not out of anticipated reciprocity, but out of unadulterated delight. It sees the potential in the other and helps them to achieve it at their own expense.

Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky.

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